“Competitive Salary”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“Join Our Fast-Paced Company”
We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

“Immediate Opening”
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We’re just now running the ad.

“Seeking Enthusiastic, Fun, Hard Working, People”
…who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.

“Competitive Environment”
We have a lot of turnover.

“Exciting And Professional Work Environment”
Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts.

“Flexible Hours”
Work 40 hours; get paid of 25.

“Must Have An Eye For Detail”
We have no quality control.

“Aspirations For Growth Within Our Company”
We love brown-nosers.

“Ability To Handle A Heavy Workload”
You whine, you’re fired.

“Good Communication Skills”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want to do.

“Requires Team Leadership Skills”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Problem-Solving Skills A Must”
You’re walking into a company in pertetural chaos.

“Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience”
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“College Degree Preferred”
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English, or religion.

“Some Overtime Required”
Some time each night and some time each weekend.